People like us
by Cherno Alpha Russia
Summary: After a weird day, Jesse meets a fangirl and he falls right in love Jesse/OC set after Felina (all characters are still alive) rated T for very mild swearing. Warning: weirdness ahead Bad!fic


People like us

A/N: This was originally supposed to be named Jesse and the fangirl but I didn't like it. Anywho, R&R plz.

It was a really crappy day because the blue stuff Walt and Jesse cooked was having crappy sales. Jesse was sad because his ugly, bitchy gf (*cough* Andrea *cough*) broke up with him and he wasn't having any luck picking up chicks. So one day, he decided to go to Walts house because logic, that's why.  
When he got there, Skyler answered the door, and she was pregnant with 6 more kids. Then she slammed the door in his face when she realized who it was.  
"SKYLAR OPEN THE DOOR!" Yelled Walt, as he got up from the couch, only to trip and break the table with his flabby man boobs. Jesse tried not to laugh, but he did. It was also funny to hear Skyler yelling at Walt for breaking her favourite $150 table that she treated like it was $3 billion.  
"WALTER EUGENE PARIS HILTON WHITE, YOU ARE GOING TO GET THAT TABLE FIXED WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT BLAH BLAH BLAH" She yelled as he downed another Minute maid* apple juice. Suddenly, Jesse heard the bushes rustling, he turned around and saw someone eyeing him through the bushes, but then dissapeared suddenly. Meanwhile, Skylar told Jesse to come in for some food. She scooped some green bean baby food into a bowl and placed it in front of Jesse.  
"Eat it!" She yelled. Jesse cringed, it looked like two week old puke and it smelled like his mothers crusty toenails. Skylar was getting impatient so she put some baby food into a spoon and shoved it into Jesse's mouth. Jesse forced himself to swallow the mushy, chunky, cold, slimy, green baby food. It tasted worse than anything he ate before. It tasted like outdated cabbage and milk that was gone bad, with moldy cheese floating in it.

*A/N: I can't describe the baby food any more than that. It's making me sick just thinking about it.*

He gagged as the food slid down his throat to his stomach, which forced it right back up as rainbow coloured vomit that smelled like roses. Suddenly, Saul bust in through the door with Barbie roller skates and nothing else but hello kitty panties, which he sharted in.  
"Yo what's up, mommy" He said to Skyler as her water broke.  
"My water broke." She said as the babies projected across the room, weirdly landing on a water bed that had goldfish crackers swimming in it.  
"Let's name them all, Gus Fring." Said Walt as he put on a cheetah print leotard and started doing ballet. Speaking of Gus Fring, suddenly he flew out the window on Rainbow Dash, who was dressed up like Chuck Norris and threw free old people candy out to everyone until he accidently hit Thor.  
"What the deuce?" He yelled as they exploded and Tom cruise turned into a minion and farted rainbows. Meanwhile, Jesse managed to sneak out of Walts house and out to the curb. Suddenly, Bogden showed up, but this time he had a unibrow.  
"I love you sexy." He said seductively as he kissed Jesse's cheek.  
"WTF DUDE? GET AWAY YOU PERVERT! Jesse cried, pushing Bogden into the street where he got run over by zombie Uncle Phil and his unibrow got ripped off.

A/N: Uncle Phil is from Fresh Prince Of Bel Air, minions are from Despicable Me, what the deuce is said by Stewie from Family guy and that's it.

Jesse realized he forgot his phone at Walt's so he had to go there. On his way, he heard footsteps behind him, so he stopped. .Mistake!  
A girl was running at him at full speed and she tackled him, which scared him. When he looked up at her, he saw that she had big green eyes filled with joy and her face was scarlet from blushing.  
"OMG, I love you, I love you, I love you!" She cried. When she saw that Jesse looked uncomfortable, she stood up and walked over next to him, helping him up.  
"Hi, I'm Lauren, and I really really like you, Jesse!" She cried, joyfully "You're so adorable, blah, blah, blah..."  
As she rambled on about him, Jesse thought, 'she's kinda cute...' She then pulled out her iPhone 5 and went to her camera roll and handed her phone to Jesse.  
"I have at least ten pictures of you!" She cheered as Jesse scrolled to the pictures...of him, Jesse Pinkman! Dear god, he thought as he saw himself on her phone. He had the urge for a while to kiss her and make her dreams come true, and when he saw her casually bite her bottom lip, his urge skyrocketed and something had to be done about it. Without thinking, he handed her phone back to her and started to play with her short blonde hair.  
"Jesse, what are you doing?" She asked. Then he laced their fingers together. They both blushed scarlet as Jesse moved closer to her until he was mere centimeters away from her. Without warning, Jesse crushed his lips against hers without any regret in the world. He bit her lip where she had bit it before and slowly poked his tongue into her mouth. His hands moved down to her waist and stayed there while he kissed her. They pulled away for a second to catch their breaths, when suddenly, Andrea threw a shot glass at Lauren's head, which made her angry, so she chased after Andrea. When she finally caught up to Andrea, she tackled her and was kicked in the face by her. Lauren was shocked, but then she kicked Andrea in the crotch..hard, and ran back to Jesse. Jesse knew that Andrea knew better than to mess with a girl when he was around, so Andrea stumbled home, drunk and with her ass kicked.  
"So where were we?" Asked Lauren. Jesse only answered by brushing his lips against hers, forgetting about the crazy and bad things that had happened to him, only thinking about the moment that was happening before him right now.

A/N: So, did you like it? It started off as a parody but turned into mushy crap. I am TOTALLY obsessed with Jesse and I want to be with him. I DONT CARE IF HES NOT REAL, I CAN DREAM! :,( Sorry, I get really passionate about things. Anyways, plz comment, comment, comment! Stay Gold  
~Cherno


End file.
